I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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