I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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