How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
