shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize