something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
