i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
