im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
then he tried to convert me to islam
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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