Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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