The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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