We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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