From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
