Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
