she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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