Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
