he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize