We need to rekindle our bromance
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
