Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
