grandma shit on top of the toilet
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
