last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
