I accidentally burped into my bong.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
