And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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