Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
