how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
