It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
