Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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