Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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