If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
