Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
