I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
