btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize