I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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