hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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