Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
