Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
