goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
