Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
