her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
