you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
