the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize