Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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