hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
