Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
