Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize