Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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