just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
