I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize