I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can't put those talents on a resume
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
