her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize