so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
