I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
