it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
