a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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