For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
