Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
