something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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