his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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