Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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