I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
