...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize