dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize