i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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