chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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