if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
