My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
