are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
