plz talk dirty to me
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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