Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
