i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
