Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
