She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
