I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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