im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
