I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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