yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
