i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
