No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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