Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
