YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
