Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
