A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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