Buhtt sex?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
