I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
