R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We're using joints as your birthday candles
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
