i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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