btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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