turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
