idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
