Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
