I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Randomize