I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
