Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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